Hamlet Plays John Wayne

Act 1 Scene 1
Library of Wittenberg College

Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Rose: Go seek the Lord Hamlet.

Guild: Yes, there he is in the collections.

Rose: But where else would the good student, Prince Hamlet, be but at the library.

Rose and Guild: My good Lord Hamlet.

Hamlet: And who is that—merry, it is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I think you are truant for I have not seen you two at study for some while.

Rose: My Lordship, we are but honest scholars just back from study in America.

Hamlet: Oh tell me my good friends about that land that they say is so great.

Guild: My Prince-- America is a big, big land with all numbers of people, it is a land of a noble breed.

Hamlet: Fellow students, tell me--did you chance to meet with any cowboys or Indians?

Rose: Yes, my liege, we did. We met and heard the tale of a brave pioneer-- a true Hyperion named John Wayne.

Hamlet: For God’s love, let me hear.

Guild: My liege, that is why we have come for you. We have told his round unvarnished tale to our dear friend Horatio and he has written a play.

Hamlet: A play! A play, you say. Well, where is dear Horatio? He is a most capable writer.

Horatio: Here, my lord. And thank you for the kind word but I am just a humble scribe. It takes a player to bring the play to life. A player such as Hamlet!

Hamlet: You flatter me. I would love to be in your play. What part shall I have? What is the play called?

Horatio: You would so honor me if you will take the lead of John Wayne in the play called the “Gunfight at El Senior.”

Hamlet: You do me the honor, my friend. What is the conceit?

Horatio: It is a story of land and lusts. The saga of the clash between a son who has lost his father and the uncle who has laid claim to his birthright. While fighting for his land he must also claim the love of the beautiful Ophelia and make peace with the marauding Indian Chief Four Bears. It is a tale of a man who must take action, for in the Wild West it is often the man who is fastest with a gun who makes the final decision.

Hamlet: Horatio, the script. Oh, this is good, very good. When will we start?

Horatio: I will round up the rest of the players. Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, the sets and costumes. Then rehearsals. Tomorrow we start.

Exit all